The History of the BBS User

Part II (one year later)

Dear SysOp:

I uploaded those files you asked me for. My upload ratio is now better than my download ratio. Can you pleez let me in on some of the better file areas?

Joe

Dear Joe:

Okay. I think you deserve it. I'm going to let you into some of the other file areas.

By the way, don't upload anything that has the words "cracked by" on it anymore. I could get in big trouble.

By the way, a protocol is a way to transfer files, not a matter of etiquette.

The SysOp

Dear SysOp:

Okay. I just thought you might like that game. Something about those Amazon Women just appeeled to me.

Joe

Dear Joe:

You skip school to call here, don't you? Can't you call somewhere else for a change?

The SysOp

Dear SysOp:

You mean there are other BBSes out there? Why didn't you tell me about them before?

Joe Blow

Dear Joe:

You never were this annoying before. Try the "Weirdo's Hideaway", 555-6543.

The SysOp

[ The user does not call for 7 weeks, as he discovers other BBSes ]

[ Eventually, he decides to call back and batch upload all the warez ]

[ That he collected on his leech festivals ]

Dear SysOp:

I learned how to phreak last week! It's a lot of phun and you don't have to pay when you download philes [ it is obvious that the kid has been calling California boards, where they spell all "f" sounds with "ph"]. Among the warez I'm uploading to you is a program called Code Thief. It will help you phreak too!

Joe

Dear Joe:

Phreaking is a bad business. Don't you think they can figure out where those calls you are making are coming from? They can. I suggest you stop before you get yourself and your parents in trouble.

Your SysOp

Dear SysOp:

What's wrong with phreaking? It's not like it's illegal or anything.

Joe.

Dear Joe:

You're so full of shit, you stink.

Your SysOp

SysOp:

One of my friends that I met on a board in California [ see! we told you ] had something happen to him called "getting busted." What does that mean?

Joe

Dear Joe:

It means that he was arrested. Probably for phreaking. He'll probably tell the feds that you phreak too in order to get a lighter sentence. You're fucked, kid. In fact, I'll probably delete you from here in case the feds start sniffing around.

The SysOp.

[ When the kid logs on next, he sees the following message ]

Two four six eight, who do we appreciate?

NOT YOU, NOT YOU, YEAH!

Your access has been lowered to sub absolute zero. You are nothing. You can do nothing. Don't ever call here again or we'll shoot you with lime jello and throw you in a bathtub with Roseanne Barr.

NO CARRIER

Just kidding.

NO CARRIER