The History of the BBS User

• Part I
• Part II
• Part III
• Part IV
• Part V

Part I

Dear SysOp:

I am a new uzer. I am ate yearz old and I have just gotten my first modem. I like to download lotsa files as long as you don't hafta upload in return. Pleez give me access on your bord.

Joe Blow.

Dear Joe:

I have given you minimal access in the kiddie file and message areas. We suggest that you learn to spell and learn your proper place in this community before attempting higher levels of access.

SysOp

Dear SysOp:

I kant figure out how to D/L [note user's discovery of BBS abbreviations]. I have tried to use XModem with no sucsess, and then I tried ZModem and everything went kablooie. Please help me so that I can download your good filez.

Joe Blow.

Dear Joe:

You're an idiot, but we like you. We think you have potential. I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I'm going to teach you how to use the file section, but you're going to learn to use it by UPLOADING [imagine teary-eyed face cringed with fear at this prospect]. Next time you log on, page me to chat and I'll show you how to upload a file.

The SysOp

Dear SysOp:

Okay.

Joe Blow

[ Transcript of first chat with SysOp follows ]

Select [M, F, E, C, P, G]: P

Paging your SysOp! . . . . . . .

The SysOp is here!

Hello, Joe!

NO CARRIER [ Joe hangs up, torn with fear ]

[ Transcript of second chat with SysOp follows ]

Select [M, F, E, C, P, G]: P

Paging your SysOp! . . . . . . .

The SysOp is here!

Hello, Joe!

[ Long pause ]

Heelo.

Do you want me to show you how to upload, now?

[ Another pause ]

Yes.

Okay...I'll walk you through it.

Exiting chat ...

Select [M, F, E, C, P, G]: F

Select [U, D, C, L, F, S]: C

Change to which area? 1

Changing to upload area (1).

Select [U, D, C, L, F, S]: U

Select a protocol

XModem
YModem
ZModem

The SysOp is here!

Okay, Joe. Tell your program you want to upload by pressing PgUp when you want to start the transfer.

Exiting chat ...

Select [X, Y, Z]: X

Enter filename to upload: APROGRAM.ZIP

Begin your upload procedure...

1 file(s) transfered successfully!

The SysOp is here!

See, that wasn't so hard, was it?

Nnno.

Well, to download, you do the same thing in reverse.

Okay! Cool!

By the way, what was it you uploaded, anyway?

I don't know...I got it from one of my friends. It's something called a virus.

NO CARRIER

Dear Joe:

I looked at the program you uploaded. If you ever upload a virus again, I'll kill you slowly, and your little dog too. You have a lot to learn, kid.

The mildly pissed SysOp