LEO - Link Everything Online

Top 10 signs you may be addicted to IRC

10.: Your service provider calls *you* for tech support.
9.: Someone at work tells you a joke, and you say "LOL!"
8.: You have ever had a dream about the people in your channels.
7.: You have to scroll through your popup menu.
6.: You watch T.V. with closed captioning turned on.
5.: Your friend Tom tells you something sad on the phone and you say "Awwww, me hugs Tom."
4.: You've called out someone else's nick while making love to your husband.
3.: You keep begging your friend's to get an internet account so "we can hang out."
2.: Three words: carpal tunnel syndrome.
1.: You laughed at this list.

You might be addicted to irc if....

Oh, so YOU have something funny to add now, huh?
>From Karma:: ...you've been lagged so bad that you've switched servers so much you can see you nick on the channel list 3 times.
>From Lori:: ...you no longer type with proper punctuation, capitolization, or complete senteces..
>From Charlotte (Vilas):

you live on #twilight_zone for months praying for an O: line
you end up with 7 O: lines
to get revenge on someone you know in RL, you mail bomb them..through the US postal service, that is * you have met over 100 ircers * you /umode +s because you dont feel right without it * you dont know your boyfriend/girlfriend's first name * your boyfriend/girlfriend in RL gets on IRC coz its the only way to reach you * you know which servers are major hubs..in *.tw * you call your S.O (boyfriend/girlfriend is too long to type) a HNG * you use words like 'leet' and 'lame' in RL * you find yourself wishing that that bitch on your hall were on irc so you could flood her * you read operlist * you tell your rfiends you have plans already on saturday night when you dont * your .ircrc is over 80k * you feel a need to talk in all caps to certain people in RL * your desk is the only part of your room you ever use (screw the bed ;) * you have ever put a smiley in a paper for school
>From homie@cyberhighway.net:

the Jehova's Witnesses knock on the door, and all you can think of doing is flood them with PINGs.
You get a call from a telemarketer, and instead of hanging up on them, you set down the phone, and set their mode to -v
You call up your friend Nick, and /invite $nick to #watch_TV
You offer the babysitter OPS when you go out for the night
You refer to rush hour traffic as LAGGED... or to avoid traffic, you tell your passenger you need to quit for a second to switch servers
The word I is now replaced in your vocabulary with /me.
You raise your hand in class, and say "BRB"
You have more than 3 private MSG windows going simultaneously
You won't subscribe to a certain internet provider because they don't offer unlimited time per month
Instead of taking a disk home from work, you set up your BOT to serve it to you later that night
You no longer have to stop and explain to your friends what "RE ALL" means
You begin to say hehehehehehehehe instead of laughing
You don't sleep at night because you are too stay up late thinking of a new NICK
You know and use regularly, more than 10 different ways to smile in ascii text
>From William Estep (wbestep@whidbey.net):: ...You cry when you see more than 3 quit messages with two servers listed as the reason.
>From Babieface (aka. Karen):

...when someone says "what did you say?" you reply "scroll up!"
...you find yourself sneaking away to the computer in the middle of the might when your spouse is asleep to get more irc time in!
...you turn down the lights and close the blinds so people won't know that you are on irc again!
...you know more about your irc "friends" daily routines than you do your own spouses!
...when someone in a channel says "where is today, and you know exactly where that person is and why they are not logged on.
...you find yourself lieing to others about your irc time. When they complain your phone is busy, you claim it was off the hook!
...you have an identity crisis if someone else is using your nick.
...you would rather tell people your bloodshot eyes are from partying too much instead of the truth (up all night on irc!)
...you change nicks so much that you have to type /me to see who you are!
...you put on special mood music while talking to certain people in private chats!
...your friends on irc were above your RL friends on your Christmas card list!
...you find yourself involved in channel politics on irc!
...you ever turned down real hugs for {{hugs}} from your irc friends.
...you have actually kept up with 10 converstions at one time! <--- this one shows either great skill or that you are too far gone!
...you postpone your college graduation date so you can keep your free .edu account!
>From Eponine:: ...you have ever written a pen-and-paper letter to someone and found it _impossible_ to do without smilies
>From Rampie:

...you don't even bother answering the phone anymore...
... If you're broke and your modem burns out and you go out on to the streeets to sell your body to get a new one..
...If you are willing to risk a divorce because your husband doesn't like all the time you are spending on the computer
...If you are willing to sell a kidney to get to the next #anne-Rice channel meet
...If you are risking your job by staying on #anne-rice in the afternoon
>From Antha:

...If you open up your home to 15 strangers for a week merely because they have computers and cute nicknames
... if you consider getting an THIRD phone line so your S.O. can get online on a diff acct
...If you yell at ppl cause they aww using more than 2 w's and are messing up your URL list
...if your kids are standing at your side going "mommy, please come cook dinner" and you'd rather type another "LOL!"
>From Gabrielle:: ...If the first thing you say after coming out of a movie is, "Hey. Remember that funny line? It would make a perfect info line!"
>From: Scullycj:: ...you Marry your cyberboyfriend RT and you both sit at your own computers and chat to each other every night from across the room! (Hehehe I did...do this:)
>From: Lonny:: ...you have ever had netsex with a bot.
>From: Stephen/meridian:: ...your first thought when your nick is taken is "VERSION"
>From: Scruples:: ...both you and your wife has thier own computer, server, and e-mail address.
>From: brannigan:: ...you download this list to send it to your other net friends.
>From: Pilgrim:: ...you keep making channels with one more "!", just so you can get the top of the channel list
>From: Agent X:

... you have to go on Irc by sneaking on your friend/Father's Laptop while they are at work or are away.
...you are a X files fan and go on #X-files just to say "Does anyone here like the X-Files T.V.Show?"
...you go on but can continue after your computer searches for your server you yell "Dumb, Server".
..... you constantly say "hello?" or "you lagged, boy" to anyone on the street.
>From: Bouncey (Charles Terrell):: ...Your S.O.'s friends and family (all in the same geographical area, most computer illiterate, none addicted to IRC) refer to you by your nick, because for months that's the only name they heard.
>From: Q-bert_2:: ... You came here when the channel you were on was less than 20 people
>From: duck:: ...if you find it RIGHT..........right
>From: Scruples:: ...both you and your wife has thier own computer, server, and e-mail address.
>From: brannigan:: ...you download this list to send it to your other net friends.
>From: DWildstar (That's Mr. Wildstar to you Europeans)<:

you use the words "donut" or "broked" in email
you type in all lowercase now, even while typing assignments
you keep an irc window open while doing homework
you use irc as an excuse for procrastinating on homework
you've gone through more than one keyboard because you can't leave irc long enough to have a cig
you type messages to people while you're talking to them on the phone
you hack your server idle time "so lamers donut bug me"
you've ever actually used "donut" or "woii" in a sentance
your nick is mentioned on an irc web page (or worse...it's published in printed material somewhere)
you keep a client on 24/7 so someone doesn't steal your nick
>From: Sommer:

you *do* preface things in email with /me
you feel the urge to /kick and /ban annoying peopel in person
>From: ?:

... you argue with your kids over whose turn it is.
...when you write a letter you put :-) at the end of a sentence
>From: larrrrry:: ...You wont work at a job that doesnt have a modem involed
>From: robs:: ...you sign your nick instead of your "real name"
>From: Odeon :: ...you take your girlfriend on a date to #redlobster, then to a movie at #cineplex_odeon.
>From: GOLDORAK:: ...you want to kick-ban your sister from your house.
>From: itsmeKaren :: ...you hang out in the #florida room on dalnet and are involved in the soap opera that goes on there
>From: Sakashca :: ...you look at your cat and say mmmm chicken
>From: JEEPjr :: ...you sat around for more than 2 minutes trying to think of a witty "You might be addicted to irc if; ..." joke to add to this list.
>From: Crazed :: Your husband announces that he is getting a second line..no matter what you say!! He's tired of the phone always being busy.
>From: Eric Hauser/Trekkie:

...refuse to go to alt.irc.recovery when your friends tell you too...
...your dog leaves you...
...you have to ask what the year is...
...build a toilet into your computer chair so you never *miss* anything...
>From: ripclaw :: ... You join certain channels just to read the funny topics
>From: Zilch :: ...If your sitting sitting at work with NO IRC Clients and you can't find any; Anywhere, You get sidetracked into reading webs about IRC.
>From: DaPackFan :: ...you have to replace your / and # keys every few weeks.
>From: cr0w:: You might be addicted to irc if you are telling someone about all your friends and it turns out they are all on IRC...
>From: Libby:: You might be addicted to irc if..are doing things more and more that you swore you would never, ever do when you first found chat!
>From: [A-Jax] :: ... if you write a letter like this "dear tom, lo! how r u doin well i gotta go bbl!"
>From: karen ballard:: You might be addicted to irc if you stay on here until your eyes are bloodshot
>From: PuppyDog :: ...you enter a channel and the bots say hi!
>From: Kupan :

...you suggest to your company to hold its meetings on IRC so "The boss can put +m on"
...you name your pets after people you talk to on IRC.
...you ever tell a story in RL of something funny that happened on IRC to people that have no idea what it is.
>From: VEGGIE :: You are reading this.....
>From: Matt (MattRB@northshore.net) is obese fatty;: you masturbate to the irc chats
>From: BornNaked:: ...you smile sideways
>From: MMiller :

Whenever you log on to a server you immediately get 10 messages from people who have you on thier notify list
You can handle 10 messages
You can't even remember the names to all the channels you have ops on
Your internet provider disconnects you for using an *unlimited* account too much
After the above happening you seriously consider a dedicated account
You have a map on the wall with red thumbtacks to mark where people are
You have to take an vacation from IRC because you can not keep up with the messages anymore
You have IRC in the background with the word AWAY after your nick while viewing this page
People /msg you even when your nick has AWAY in it
People have your AWAY nick in thier notify list
Your spent more than $300 on long distance calling those you met on IRC
Whenever a netsplit or mode change occurs and someone asks what happened everyone in the channel says to ask you
You got tired of answering what happened and have made popups to describe netsplits and mode changes
You have 5 copies of an IRC client installed on your hard disk to be on more than one net at a time
Your might miss *important* action in a channel while submitting this
You actually submitted this
>From: rebelyell :: ... have opened a # called #IRCanonymous - topic 12 steppers fer irc addicts ..."meets here"
>From: jillo :: ...you look at an annoying friend and wish you could type /ignore
>From: DrilGrrl :: ...you can carry on a conversation with the bot(s)
>From: jessie :: ...a woman make me come on the net
>From: bRain_surgeon :: you type zandzeepsodemineraalwatersteenstralen in 1 time !
>From: Steve's girlfriend :: ...you actually are reading these corny things!!!!
>From Antha::: You know you're addicted to irc when you find stupid reasons to log into yourshell account, knowing full well you can type "irc" from there and be there in 2 seconds
>From: Norahs :

...you drink less water cuz u don't wanna go to the washroom during your chat.
...you wrote your nick as your name in RL
>From: ? :

...you ask Electronics Boutique what warez they have.
...you flood your enemies by talking fast.
>From: Spookje:: Your chatmates know you better then your own mummie :)..
>From: Dozer :

...Your time on-line is measured with a Calender.
...You use your lunchbreak to jump back on to look for memo's
...You get pulled over by the police, and they inform you that you were reported missing 2 months ago.
...You bring a sack lunch and cooler to the terminal.
>From: ?:: You actually know everybody in your irc channel.
>From: case:

... Your SO kisses your neck while you type and you think "uh oh DCC Chat request"
... Your wife starts mabbling at you on the bed and you try to find the /Ignore all command
... You get an instant turn on with the phrase "5'11 tall long blond hair blue eyes"
... The keys of your keyboard are refusing to work properly after few months and you end up writing something like " I'm professionl relly!"
>From: Yossef:

...you've ever submitted something here.
...you've ever used the term "RL".
...you find it necessary to differentiate between RL (real life, in case you don't know) and IRC_life to keep track of everything. (You're worse off if you don't do this, though.)
>From: Judie/Hbilli:
...the only time you log off irc is to travel to work where you immediately log back on.
...you go into irc withdrawals if you are away from a computer for more than a few hours.
>From: LedHed:: You make up reasons to ur wife to stay late at the office so u can take advantage of their service link.
>From: Jophiel:: You only think of your TAB key as that "private message key"
>From: cassiopeia:: ...you risk possible suspension and or expulsion from high school to download a copy of mIRC onto the computer in the library so you can IRC from Study Hall
>From: dagger@goodnet.com:

...your "first time" began with the command "/me..." -or-
...you've got a registered channel beginning with your nick!
>From: JLPicard:: ...someone offers you lady fingers at a party and you have an urge to do a /WHOIS on them.
>From: daisy:: ...you post additions to this page.
>From: Dan:: ...You're a regular op in channel #mirc or #mirchelp (which I am, heheh)
>From: tj-:

...u added this link to your homepage :)
...u use IRC lingo in everyday life(if u still have one)hehe
>From: Kin:: ...Your GPA is inversely proportional to the time spent on IRC
>From Patrick:: you are from the island of Malta
>From: Leonardo:: ...when writing someone a letter you feel inclined to make your smileys SIDEWAYS
>From: Manu:

...you e-mail prospective employers and leave a channel name they can find you at
...you handcuff yourself to your chair when you join #submission (not that I've ever done that!)
...you set up the PC to answer the phone and turn on IRC automatically when it rings
>From: ?:: ...Grandma reminds you about an upcoming family reunion and you tell her she can borrow your server.
>From: Jophiel:

You start making appointments to meet IRC people that have more importance than your real life appointments.
You leave yourself setaway for longer than a half hour because it's easier than trying to dial in
>From: Alexious:

your friend tells you a joke and you say "ROTFL..."
your friend doesn't answer you and you wonder how to PING him.
>From: Sept:: ...you know not only the best servers to access, but also the best ports.
>From: FoxMoleder:: ...you never get round to using the internet and spend your time on mirc.
>From: thedab@ix.netcom.com:

...you think you need more memory, but forgot why....
...you take a speed reading course to keep up with the scrolling...
...you start thinking 100 megahertz is to slow...
>From: Apollo-:

...your notify list ha over a hundred people on it
...your worst comeback to a bully is "I'll slap you with a large trout"
>From: John Hubbard:

You might be addicted to irc if you refer to sick ppl as lagged
You might be addicted to irc if you tell your fellow workers/studenrts to call you by your IRC nick
You might be addicted to irc if you have over 2 megs of bots
>>From : Anonymous:: ... When you were born, the first thing you did , is type /server ...
>From: TonyGirl:: You might be addicted to irc if; ...you say that you're hiding under a chair, and then actually go and do it.
>From: Sub-Zer0:: ...You set yourself /away while burning dinner
>From: hunney:: ...you suddenly realize you are late for work.....cause you were on irc all night.........
>From: QFinger:: ...you read every single line of this page.
>From: joybutton:

...you know more than 7 of the people in a channel at any given time.
...you have an overwhelming urge to say "burb" when you leave your friends for a few minutes.
...you own a bumper-sticker that says "Split Happens."
>From: milkshake:: ...you have cyber dates with people that you have never met before
>From: Spicy1 :: ...when you wake up in the morning the first thing you do is get on to IRC before you have your coffee.
>From: ?:: ...cant rememeber anything in the day prior to getting on the pc
>From: sewlynne@gnn.com:: ...You are using the irc to conduct settlement conferences about your upcoming divorce.
>From: Keroppi:: ...you call your airline to buy a roundtrip ticket to #france.
>From: Charlotte Hanks (Vilas):

You have posted to this page more then once
You keep on clicking over to your 4 irc windows while you do it.. (well, maybe someone msged me!)
You buy more RAM so you can have more sessions open
You know over 5 people who have posted to this page
You're a regular on over 10 channels
You've ever broken up with a S.O over IRC
You've ever said "Mom, can I come live at your place for a bit? I cant deal with school..not enough time online.."
You have driven over 5 hours to meet an ircer
You've compiled ircd on your linux box just for the hell of it
You know what the correct format for a Y: line is
You know what jupe.c does
You read operlist
You have /alias lamer msg $0 wow, R U M OR F is a great way to meet people!
You know irc scripting
You can come up with about 500 of these damn things
Your boyfriend knows when new servers get linked
Your grandmother knows what a clonebot is
Your professors all know what sendQ's are
You know what sendQ's are
>From: bongibo :: you get rid of your cybercafe in france to go and live in canada with mylene....
>From: BassPlay:: ...U go 2 a party, meet agirl, and ask her how she look.
>From: Saint skullY the Dazed:: you have the urge to kick people in real life.
>From: Hugger:: ... Your family opens an internet coffeehouse and you get bummed 'cause most servers won't authorize you, so you keep your account at another server and dial in at 28.8 instead of using the 56k connection just 'cause U miss access to your fave server
>From: _Crono95:: ... you include your nick in your e-mail signature
>From: HW.:

You are in a liberal arts College, but all of your friends understand *lol*, brb, re, kewl, etc!
You and your boyfriend/girlfriend broke up because he/she wouldn't let you get on-line when you spent winterbreak at his/her house.
>From: Pharao:: ...u enter a room and you say /me greets all

Source: Unknown, somewhere from the news I guess, sent to me by Frank Weiler

Anke Weinberger, 1996-09-27, 1996-10-08